Positive parenting comes with effective good parenting skills. Our role as parents changes and develops as our babies grow from babies to toddlers into kids and then teenagers, our skills will grow with our children.
Some parenting skills that we have are intuitive. We simply seem to know the right things to do for our babies. Other skills are learnt from our own parents or carers, the good and the bad. This often determines our parenting style.
Good parenting requires both our love and our discipline
According to dictionary.com a parent is
So what do good parenting skills consist of:
A good parent will love their kids unconditionally, so whatever happens relationship is not on the line, your children must know you still love them even if you don't like the behaviour at times. However loving will also mean bringing discipline.
An effective parent will bring discipline to provide stability and boundaries. Does the word discipline have negative connotations for you?
Answers.com defines discipline as:
Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
Good Parenting Skills
The Children's Health Encyclopedia says:
The term "discipline" comes from the Latin word "disciplinare," which means "to teach." Many people, however, associate the word with punishment, which falls short of the full meaning of the word. Discipline, properly practiced, uses a multifaceted approach, including models, rewards, and punishments that teach and reinforce desired behavior. Through discipline, children are able to learn self-control, self-direction, competence, and a sense of caring.
Training is a good way to look at discipline. You are instructing, teaching and nurturing your child when you bring discipline or correction.
The Bible also tells us that:
If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.
Just think about that for a moment, a child that is not disciplined or will not accept discipline is not a true son.
Good parenting skills require parents to be effective role models - someone who lives knowing that their actions will be copied or duplicated by their children. A role model, models behaviour for their children, so a good parent will act with integrity, they will love others and help others out. They will not gossip nor run people down with their tongues. They will handle confrontation positively, and confront others when needed, constructively.
An effective parent will equip their children to do things with excellence This does not mean that your children cannot ever fail. What it means is that as your children grow up you train them to do things well. And with good attitude whilst letting them know that they can and should ask for help if needed. This can include things like cleaning their rooms and doing homework etc. It will help if as the role model you are cleaning the rest of the house well, and keeping your paper work in order.
Parents bring identity, acceptance and approval to their kids. This is important, the way you parent and spend time with your children tells them a whole lot about their value in your life. We can help them by spending quality time with them, and by listening actively. Helping our kids find the things that they are good at and helping them to build on those things. By noticing and commenting on the positives in your children.
Good parents are the source that children can come to, even when things are going wrong and find comfort and love. We need to show good wisdom in helping our children deal with the world around them. We need to encourage a relationship where they can talk to us no matter what has happened. This will come as long as we accept them and love them and listen without judgement. They need to be able to come to us and use us as sounding boards to find strategies for dealing with things such as bullying.
Good Parenting Skills
A good parent will show their children how to submit to authority. Answers.com gives the definition of submit as To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
Notice that the submit word is defined as yielding ourselves to the one in authority. Submission is a choice that we make to submit to the authority position somebody holds.
Good parenting skills require the parent to be parent in their home. this means standing in your authority as a parent. If you do not do this you will see that the kids will take that authority and will try to dominate the home situation. Being a parent requires consistency even when things get tough.
For instance if your child says "mom mom can I have sweets for dinner today"? and you give in for a quiet life, you can then expect this to become an ongoing battle of wills. Of course this doesn't mean you can't give treats or do different things. It just means you are in charge, you set the boundaries and set the standards.
Good parenting skills require that you spend time with your children and have fun together. This does not need to be complicated. Play a board game, go for a walk, have a picnic, a movie night is great, cooking together is a joy.
We love to spend time with friends as well and enjoy getting together with our family at Living Well Church. As a body of worshippers we have celebration on a Sunday morning that embraces a fun time together during our service.
We also have fun social times such as car treasure hunts and meals together. All of this comes out of a desire to build relationship with each other as a family. Our family, kids as well enjoy these times spent with our extended family at the church. Spending time and having fun together really builds family and helps each person to feel valued.